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Wednesday, June 12, 2013

I Challenge Myself

A few weeks ago, I was doing some Googling to find some yoga poses and found an article titled Yin Yoga for Back Bending with Ease and Grace. The article shares some great poses, and also includes this gem:
If you try all these postures you will feel by the intensity which ones are going to be helpful for your body. The more intense the more you need it!
And this thought has been rolling around in my brain since I read it. The idea that the things that are the hardest for you are the most valuable makes a lot of sense, even applied to challenges outside of fitness. So, I've been thinking about the things that I don't do because they're hard, or scary, or outside of my comfort zone.

I'm a little scared of finding a full-time job. I'm scared that I will spend my entire life in a meaningless office cubicle, in a passionless job, trapped in a life that I never wanted. I'm scared that I will become comfortable, never leave, and never pursue my dreams.

I'm anxious about interacting with people I don't know well. I'm too nervous to ask acquaintances to hang out with me, even though I miss having friends in my city. I'm anxious about building relationships that I'm not sure will last.

I've withdrawn from artmaking. I've been in a rut and out of practice for so long that I'm scared that I'm not good anymore. Or that the work I produce will be meaningless.

I think I want to go back to school, again. But, I'm scared that I won't be happy in this degree program as well. I'm scared to waste more time.

I know that these fears are holding me back. I know that a job is just that, a job. That would give me experience, knowledge, and financial backing. I know that reaching out to new people and awkward first hangouts are the beginnings to real friendships. I know that art quenches a deep thirst within me and leads me to great personal catharsis; these are valuable pursuits. I know that I will always wonder about school if I don't give it a shot and what is one semester of my life? 

So, I challenge myself to tackle these fears. Maybe not all at once, maybe it will take a long long time. I see these fears holding me back from where I want to be and I see the potential rewards that they could bring. I don't want to be held back anymore.

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