Are You Excited?

If there was a theme for this week, it would be "are you excited?" The closer moving day comes, the more I hear this question. Its natural, I suppose, but my feelings about moving are more complicated.

I'm not excited to leave my family, my friends, my job, and everything familiar. I'm having a really hard time accepting how much I will be leaving behind. I'm not excited to spend a lot of time feeling lonely, because making new friends takes time. I'm not excited to only see my mom a few times a year. I'm not excited to replace nights with friends with Skype dates.

I am excited to finally live in the same place as Keith. I'm excited to stretch myself, learn self-reliance, and to push myself outside of my comfort zone. I'm excited to see the growth in my relationship with Keith. I'm excited to meet new people, develop friendships. I'm excited to go to grad school (my acceptance letter can come annnny day now). I'm excited to discover a new city and to find the places and things that will make it feel like home.

I know that it will be hard. Some days I will love this life and some days I will struggle with homesickness and loneliness. With time, the days I love that life will outnumber the days I struggle until the latter are few and far between. But that takes time. Am I excited? Yes, but I am also scared and sad and happy.